D-Lab 2008

Has Anyone Seen Saadiq?

Please contact D-Lab if you have seen this man. He is a devilishly handsome man of Jamaican descent, approximately 175cm with a medium build. He is likely dragging all of his personal belongings down the street somewhere.

He was supposed to arrive in Buenos Aires from Punta Del Este via ferry at 2am. The plan was for him to call us when he arrived, come to our location (which was not known with certainty at the moment of planning and could have been one of several hundred bars and clubs within BA). The risks were evident given that Saadiq’s phone was not working properly, and we would be intoxicated in loud environments at the moment of the call.

Saadiq, if you get this message - we received no call, and have not heard from you. We are concerned for your safety. Please contact us immediately.

Members of an Elite Club

D-Lab, in an effort to improve its cultural sight-seeings, has purchased a one-month membership to a terrific museum in B.A. The museum, hours of 2-7am, has terrific art on the walls, tables, and also features tremendous “live art”, extremely avant-garde in the trendy scenes of B.A.

Membership includes a free beverage and an opportunity to converse with the “live art”, continuously changing costumes within the main studio. In fact, much of the live art offers to be a collection at D-Lab’s apartment, nestled comfortably next to the large flat screen t.v. and collection of DVD’s, including “Old School” and “El Graduado”.

Join us for another terrific art exhibition this month!

Our First Board Meeting

We recently engaged with our second client - a startup developing a website for viewing soccer games. Seems like a cool concept and we are excited to help make them successful. The most interesting thing for me about the meeting was that our client speaks nothing but spanish. Luckily the Hoff speaks crap Spanish, so I think he may have understood a good amount, but Tank and Seth just sat there trying to pick out a few words. Luckily one of the VC’s made a good effort to translate for us which was quite helpful. Regardless, we have all decided that learning Spanish will be a priority.

Don’t Spank Mexican Girls

Last night at Asia de Cuba we learned the hard way that Mexican girls find it EXTREMELY offensive to have their bottoms spanked in a night club. Surprisingly, with our vast range of experiences, no one on our team was aware of this fact. In order to really validate the theory, we tested it on two occasions, both with the same result… As we said last night - we are really sorry!

Getting to work

D-Lab has now successfully completed several meetings with our employer in Buenos Aires. So far the work looks to be extremely interesting. Since our employer is a local venture capitalist, we had many projects to choose from and have settled on some very cool companies, developing exciting web 2.0 technologies and providing online media.

In order to add maximum value, D-Lab has split into two separate teams one consisting of Tank and Hoff, the other Danger and Seth. With a distributed leadership strategy, it will be interesting to see how these teams work out. Hoff and Tank have already encountered one instance of “storming” and will hopefully return to “norming” soon. Only time will tell…

Ending 2007 - Parting Thoughts

Well,

There you go. The big question is who is reading this right now?

The first four days have been lovely. D-Lab has taken a turn for the proper. Playing chess (Tank beat Seth in five moves), going for runs, and cooking eggs. All in all, a lovely bit of clean fun.

Tonight is a celebration with Fanta Naranja and the movie “Old School”. It’s quite good if you haven’t seen it. Oh, you should see it.

We wish you all the best of new years celebrations and post to you soon,

With love,

-D Lab

Persistent Brazilians

Well, after just a couple days here, we have had the pleasure of encountering several Brazilian women. One of the first, name and details removed to prevent any serious lawsuits sent us this email and letter attached… good thing to know she’s not ‘psycho’…

I´m a writer for Christ sake! I prize words, dear [deleted]. However, knowing a bit of your female background I quite understand your reaction with the “test” stuff, so I´ll give you a good piece of information: I´m not a psycho… [deleted text].

Anyway, I´m leaving now to jog at the lake Palermo, but because I´m the nicest person you ever met in your entire life and you carried my luggage full of books - which really touched my heart, I´ll give you the amazing chance to kiss me (brush well your teeth, please).

I´m not sure what I´m going to do at daylight after jogging (yes, I´ll take a bath). But what I´ll have to do is to buy a champagne and something eatable to the party at night. It will be full of pretentious intellectual Argentinian people, but tell [the rest of D-Lab] that Argentinian females even when are pretentious are cute. Males not always.

If you want to go to this party, save me from pretentious Argentinian males and have the unique opportunity to see me in a gorgeous dress that strips my freckles shoulders, leave a message at my new hostel: Uriarte 1389, phone [deleted]. Also buy a champagne and bring peanuts, or fruits or cheese or a lasagna or anything you think is eatable at a new year´s night.
The “ceña”, how they call the dinner, will start at 10 PM, so I hope you wake up earlier than that.

If you want to be a gentleman, warn me first that you will go and pick me up at 9:30 PM at the hostel. If you want surprise me, make anxious and guilt, wondering that I should write less and keep it simple, writing something like: “You´re cute, let´s make out”, or “Test 2″ show at Marina´s (Marina is the owner of the house) party at Humahuaca 4228, timbre 1 (between calles Palestina y Gascón), Barrio: Almagro (not so far from Palermo). Tell that you were invited by Florencia.

But just try not to leave me with all this men with bad haircut. I´ll kiss you for that. Or at least carry your luggages.

Beijo,

[deleted]

Weather hurts

Seth is now going to spend D-Lab in Chicago. There’s enough snow there where he’ll probably never leave. Tank snuck out of Boston and is flying through Miami now.

Post Holiday Party Advice

Well, the holiday party last night was… um… a huge success on multiple levels. Surely the holiday magic and mistletoe has led to the creation of many beautiful relationships. However, if you’re waking up now and feeling a rush of guilt and concern for your reputation, we have compiled the following action plan for you:

“Has anyone said anything to you about me?” If this is the first thing you say to your classmates the morning after D-Lab’s holiday party then you’re either:

a. Not sure how you got home.
b. Not sure how many times you said, “I love you guys” or who you said it to.
c. Hiding the fact that you actually woke up at Seth and Hoff’s house because you knew if you didn’t spend the night there, you’d never make it.
d. Hiding the fact that you might have, sorta engaged in activities with the opposite sex (or same sex) that might, in certain situations, be considered inappropriate in at school.
e. all of the above.
If your answer is either a, b, c then STOP here and go to the How To Manage Your Holiday Party Hangover! wiki article.

If your answer is d or e, then this is for you.

First thing to remember in case of holiday party hook-ups is that somebody knows, which means that many people know. So that paranoid feeling you have, get over it. Everybody who’s anybody knows. So just put that worry behind and move on to the real issue: you are now involved with a classmate.

So here are the pros and cons of last night’s shenanigans:
a. This new friend could potentially be “the one.” People have been known to find their life partner at the holiday party, which would ultimately undo the con of being known as the class floozy prior to the wedding date. Status: PRO
If you don’t get together for a second or third date, you might simply end up being known as the class floozy. Status: CON
b. By earning the class floozy or stud title, you counter any word around school that you are a boring, heartless number cruncher. You are, in fact, fun-loving and lovable. Status: I THINK THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO ACHIEVE THIS!!! TRY AGAIN.
c. If you score with your teaching assistant, you could end up with a nice grade or some other perk in being the teaching assistants pet project. Status: PRO. If you are the teaching assistant, you could end up with a nice sexual harassment suit. Status: CON
d. You’ve given everyone a night to remember. What the hell else would they have talked about the next day? In a dark, seedy way, you’re actually the class hero. Status: PRO (with a little good PR and the ever-healing time)

How to Handle the Aftermath

Ok, let’s go back to school.

Before you go, make sure to have the accompanying post-party essentials in your pocket or bag. Visine for those nasty red eyes, gum to chew constantly, as your breath really does reek of alcohol all day long, and some sort of light body spray to cover your body odor because you’re probably wearing some or all of last night’s outfit.

Now, you’re at school…sit on the third floor and take a few breaths. Let’s repeat an old mantra and add something new. “I am NOT hung-over. I am NOT hung-over.” Now, let’s add, “I hooked-up with __________, and that’s okay.” Repeat that a few times.

Find your friends. Hopefully you have friends because your friends were probably the key witnesses in this case. Begin by making light, joking conversation about what a great party last night was for everybody. Assure your friends through light joking that last night was a blurr and you’re still piecing together everything that happened. If they are good friends, they’ll simply look at you reassuringly and nod. Now it’s time to go out and do some PR.

So here’s a list of the things you should do, in order of importance, to minimize the affect that last night’s tonsil hockey game may have caused on your school reputation:

a. Seek out your new “friend” - reassure him or her that
b. Find out if pictures were taken and/or posted on the internet
c. Policy here should be don’t ask, don’t tell and don’t assume. Business as usual. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen, just reinforce that it happened outside of school and what happens outside school STAYS outside school.
d. (your input needed here)

D-Lab to Launch Armageddon Capital Partners I

Sifting through excessive amounts of data, from global oil demand to diminishing democratic regimes, D-Lab has launched Armageddon Capital Partners I (ACP I) to find growth opportunities in a hostile and overheated world.

While the General Partnership has not outlined specific assets in-line with the overarching investment thesis, it is expected ACP I will invest aggressively in the following industrial and service arenas:

Sandbag Production
Central Florida Real Property
Desalination technology
Michael Bay Productions
Taco-Bell
Sunscreen
Endangered Animals

“We have a tremendous opportunity to provide real value to our limited partners whose views are in-line with ours,” stated Seth of D-Lab and Chief Investment Officer of ACP I. When asked about opportunities for growth in the coming months, Seth responded, “We think so”.

ACP I’s offering memorandum is due to circulate at the close of 2007, with capital commitments in line by March 1, 2008.