Lifestyle Arbitrage

Post Holiday Party Advice

December 16th, 2007 Posted in General Thoughts, Girls

Well, the holiday party last night was… um… a huge success on multiple levels. Surely the holiday magic and mistletoe has led to the creation of many beautiful relationships. However, if you’re waking up now and feeling a rush of guilt and concern for your reputation, we have compiled the following action plan for you:

“Has anyone said anything to you about me?” If this is the first thing you say to your classmates the morning after D-Lab’s holiday party then you’re either:

a. Not sure how you got home.
b. Not sure how many times you said, “I love you guys” or who you said it to.
c. Hiding the fact that you actually woke up at Seth and Hoff’s house because you knew if you didn’t spend the night there, you’d never make it.
d. Hiding the fact that you might have, sorta engaged in activities with the opposite sex (or same sex) that might, in certain situations, be considered inappropriate in at school.
e. all of the above.
If your answer is either a, b, c then STOP here and go to the How To Manage Your Holiday Party Hangover! wiki article.

If your answer is d or e, then this is for you.

First thing to remember in case of holiday party hook-ups is that somebody knows, which means that many people know. So that paranoid feeling you have, get over it. Everybody who’s anybody knows. So just put that worry behind and move on to the real issue: you are now involved with a classmate.

So here are the pros and cons of last night’s shenanigans:
a. This new friend could potentially be “the one.” People have been known to find their life partner at the holiday party, which would ultimately undo the con of being known as the class floozy prior to the wedding date. Status: PRO
If you don’t get together for a second or third date, you might simply end up being known as the class floozy. Status: CON
b. By earning the class floozy or stud title, you counter any word around school that you are a boring, heartless number cruncher. You are, in fact, fun-loving and lovable. Status: I THINK THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO ACHIEVE THIS!!! TRY AGAIN.
c. If you score with your teaching assistant, you could end up with a nice grade or some other perk in being the teaching assistants pet project. Status: PRO. If you are the teaching assistant, you could end up with a nice sexual harassment suit. Status: CON
d. You’ve given everyone a night to remember. What the hell else would they have talked about the next day? In a dark, seedy way, you’re actually the class hero. Status: PRO (with a little good PR and the ever-healing time)

How to Handle the Aftermath

Ok, let’s go back to school.

Before you go, make sure to have the accompanying post-party essentials in your pocket or bag. Visine for those nasty red eyes, gum to chew constantly, as your breath really does reek of alcohol all day long, and some sort of light body spray to cover your body odor because you’re probably wearing some or all of last night’s outfit.

Now, you’re at school…sit on the third floor and take a few breaths. Let’s repeat an old mantra and add something new. “I am NOT hung-over. I am NOT hung-over.” Now, let’s add, “I hooked-up with __________, and that’s okay.” Repeat that a few times.

Find your friends. Hopefully you have friends because your friends were probably the key witnesses in this case. Begin by making light, joking conversation about what a great party last night was for everybody. Assure your friends through light joking that last night was a blurr and you’re still piecing together everything that happened. If they are good friends, they’ll simply look at you reassuringly and nod. Now it’s time to go out and do some PR.

So here’s a list of the things you should do, in order of importance, to minimize the affect that last night’s tonsil hockey game may have caused on your school reputation:

a. Seek out your new “friend” - reassure him or her that
b. Find out if pictures were taken and/or posted on the internet
c. Policy here should be don’t ask, don’t tell and don’t assume. Business as usual. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen, just reinforce that it happened outside of school and what happens outside school STAYS outside school.
d. (your input needed here)

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